This question is, unfortunately, asked frequently. Women wondering if their hardworking man is cheating, ready to leave, or has fallen in love with someone else. Each situation different, but eerily similar, and each heartbreaking to read.
Each story starts by noticing a change in him. He’s short on the phone and calling less often. He doesn’t respond to texts frequently or at all. His temperament toward her has changed to short-tempered and distant. She becomes suspicious of online activity, e-mails, or photos she’s seen of him. Women reading and offering advice are livid for the woman experiencing such a sad situation praying that they don’t ever feel that way themselves. I know, I’ve been there. I’ve thought to myself “That #@$%! That poor woman! That poor family! How could he?!”
As a fellow wife/girlfriend your head starts to spin and you immediately overthink everything going on in your own oilfield relationship at the moment. “Shit, it took him 3 hours to write back yesterday. What if…?” Every time I tried very hard to not think about things that were bothering me. I tried to never think “what if?” I easily talked myself back down with reassuring words of wife wisdom, “He’s really busy. He’s really stressed. Everything right now is uncertain. His mood is understandable. Everything is ok.” Repeat until feeling better and hope the next phone call comes soon so you can talk about your feelings. But, wait! The phone call finally comes, he sounds irritated he even had to call, your heart sinks, you get pissed off, and those two evil words creep back in, “What if?” You never do talk about your feelings, and you probably cry yourself to sleep.
With all that said, let me say that I trust my husband with all my heart and soul. We’ve made it through some really rough times, but my trust never faltered. I knew he’d never intentionally seek love elsewhere. But I’d be lying if part of me, my own insecurities, weren’t wondering “what if?” He has spent so much time away from home. Flights, hotels, restaurants, multiple states away, out with the guys, women in the workforce, lonely nights, and angry feelings…me at home not feeling secure in my own feelings let alone ready to deal with his. This lifestyle is not for the faint of heart, especially if you plan on making it together.
Love is strong, just as much as it is weak. Once upon a time, a very long time ago, I thought I was in love. I did things I didn’t think I was capable of to prove my love to a man that dragged me through hell and back. It took blue eyes, a smile, and 10 minutes to fall right out of love with him and in love with someone else (who would eventually drag me through an even deeper hell). Let’s file those under the other thousands of reasons I’m thankful for my marriage and my amazing husband! Those are stories for another day; the point here is it can happen to anyone.
What if he sees her at her gate at the airport, sipping coffee in a café, drinking wine at a restaurant, dancing under the neon lights on guys’ night out, or checking into the same hotel in her pencil skirt? Cue tears, heartache, and all the ‘what ifs’ in the world! Am I right?!
I do not like those questioning feelings. I do not like the ‘what ifs’ of hardworking men. I do not like the heartache and uncertainties of my fellow sisters. I really don’t even like that I wrote about it. Honestly, I have no idea what brought this up. Maybe someone out there really needed to read it. I’m sure we’ve all felt this way at one point or another.
I hope none of you ever have to wonder “what if?”, and if you have, I hope you’ve found serenity.
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